The Rest Of My Life Starts Now

It dawned on me earlier today that I'm standing at the crossroad in my life; the part where I can continue down the path I started on, or where I can change everything and start a new path. I'm going down the new path and I'm really looking forward to it.

It's off to a little bit of a rocky start, sure, but nobody ever said it would be easy. The whole "road less traveled" bit and all- of course the unpaved road is rough.

The most obvious change is my upcoming wedding. Getting married will be a big change; I won't be walking the path by myself. I won't have to make all the hard choices alone. I can't think of a better person to be my companion, either. Jules rocks.

I'm selling the company, for a lot of reasons. It's a little scary to know that Jules and I are both "self-employed" but I got enough money for the company to have a solid safety net. The company felt too much like living my dad's life, and not mine. I don't know what the long term plan is yet, but I want to do something for me, instead.

After Jules and I get married, I'll be adopting Kailyn. She may not be my biological daughter but I absolutely adore her. She's a great kid. On a similar note, I'll be taking their last name. I like Spencer better than mine and I seem to be outnumbered anyway ;)

I'm really looking forward to everything, even the unexpected. I'm happier than I ever thought I would be.

Rest in Peace, Dad

A couple of weeks ago, my biggest fear came true, and my father passed away. It's been a rough time for all of us since then.

My brother completely fell off the face of the planet for a while. He showed up to the funeral but wouldn't talk to anybody, then disappeared again. He's back in contact now but I'm still not sure where he is, just that he's "okay".

My sister is having a hard time focusing on anything. Jules and I are trying really hard to get her to go to school all day, and do all her work. She's a really bright kid, and has a great future ahead of her if she can just pull through and keep her grades up and tough it out until graduation. I don't want to see her ruin everything she's got going for her.

And my mom.. my poor mom :( She's out of town staying with her sister right now. Amber has been staying with me and PJ. They were married for 28 years, this is especially hard on her.

As for me.. I'm mostly hanging in there. It gets better every day. The thing that kills me the most is going to work. I've been running the place for a while now, but now it seems like it was always HIS place. Every day I walk in and it reminds me of him, and that hurts. A lot. And it doesn't seem to be getting any easier like everything else is.

Business is bad lately. I had to lay off 2 people and cut Lily's hours. These people are like family to me and it's killing me to have to do that. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don't know if I want to keep doing it.

Jules has been talking about putting the wedding off; we had just picked the date (September 19th). I really don't want to have to do that. Jules has been amazing through this whole situation and I don't know where I'd be without her. She's been strong where none of the rest of us have been able to. My little sister... I don't think she'd have pulled through as well as she has been without Jules. I KNOW that I'd be worse off. I can't imagine life without her. I want to give her this wedding, the date she wants, everything she wants for it.

I just want the hurt to stop.

She Said Yes!

I've been walking around since October with an engagement ring in my pocket, looking for just the right moment to ask Jules to marry me. Every time I thought I found one, I'd stop to think about how much she means to me, and how perfect I want the memory to be to her, and dub every opportunity as inadequate.

Today I couldn't wait any more. Perfection was taking too long.

We had a few of our friends over for dinner today and everybody was in a good mood. Kailyn put herself to bed early and Benji was off somewhere playing with Adam's chocolate lab, Milo. I was out back making another burger for Adam, and Jules came outside to ask if I needed anything.

As she was walking over, the dogs bolted past her and she lost her balance. For once, my reflexes were lightning fast, and I caught her in a swoop. She looked up at me, smiled, and commented on how she knew I'd never let her fall.

With my free hand I reached in my pocket and asked her the question that had been on the tip of my tongue for months.

I don't know if the moment had all the romance she may have always dreamed of, but the way her eyes lit up when I asked... that will stay in my mind forever, as the most perfect moment.

I Missed Walking

My foot is just about back to normal now! I am so stoaked. Seriously. Walking is the greatest thing on earth. I only need the crutches if I'm going to be spending all day on my feet. The ankle is a little sore sometimes but it's significantly less painful. I am happy.

Collecting

It's always seemed odd to me to collect things. I just don't understand the point. Is there a point? Probably not. And yet, it doesn't stop me from doing it haha.

I have this wicked collection of Kid Robot things. And some other people's stuff. Silly vinyl toys that serve no purpose but to sit on my cabinet. The cat likes to knock them over sometimes too.

So, why do I do it? Why not I say! It gives me something to look at.

Though, if anybody wants to expain the psychological compellment to collect I'd be more than happy to listen.

PS: Katie's rad picture of her FatCap prompted this post.

Ankle Plate

Well, it turns out I'm going to have to have my ankle worked on after all. It's just refusing to heal like it should, so I'm going to have to have a little metal plate put in on Tuesday. I'm getting tired of these damn crutches. My ankle has been broken for a long time now. I broke it on October 2nd, then the doctor re-broke it trying to get it to set right. We've given up hope on it fixing itself. I'm a stubborn jackass.

How did I break it you ask? I'm not sure I want to answer that. It was fucking stupid... but strangely hilarious at the same time.

So there I am at my friend Jacob's birthday party. We live in Arizona, it's god damn hot so we're throwing back some beers and screwing around in the pool. In my infinite wisdom I decided to tackle Jacob. Except, sometimes I forget that his pool isn't really deep enough to really have fun in. How I managed to land hard enough to break my ankle how I did is beyond me but, well, somehow I did.

I should have sued him.
(.... I'm kidding. Christ!)

Doctors and Hospitals

My dad is in the hospital again. The doctors say that this isn't major, and that he's going to be fine in a couple days. He's always fine in a couple of days, but the timespan between hospitalizations is getting smaller every time. I worry about him. He has a rare heart condition. He's pretty young, too. Dad is only 51. But his medical condition is the reason I took over the company. I do rather perfer this reason over taking over due to his death, but *knock on wood*, my biggest fear is that I'll have to bury my father sooner than I should.

I really look up to the man, you know? He's an honest, hardworking, good man. He really cares about me, and Jason, and Amber is the light of his life. And the way he treats Mom... I only hope to be half as great in my relationship as he is.

I'm making myself sad here. Dad is okay right now, and that's all that matters.

In other news, I'm having complications with my foot. It seems that one of the bones decided not to heal right, so the doctor is going to have to re-break my ankle and try again. I'm not happy about that, at all. I'm sick to death of the crutches, and tired of popping pills because it hurts like nobody's business.

I was supposed to go in tomorrow to have it done, but I had to fire my receptionist and I really can't leave the business unattended until I have one. I don't want to have to keep dragging Jules in to answer the phones. I spent all day looking at resumes and I think my head is going to explode.

But I probably should get my bones taken care of before they get worse.

Re-Establishing

About two years ago, I made a total breakaway from the internet. The reasons are complicated and there are many of them, but the straw that broke the camels back was when my favorite internet stalker managed to destroy my database that held my secret plans to take over the universe.

With that plan completely thwarted, I started focusing on other things. My drum technique has improved drastically and I've almost gotten as good at piano again as I was before I discovered the internet in the first place. I almost dare call myself a decent musician. Oh snap.

I also took over my dad's construction company. I still essentially know jack shit about builing a house, but that's what I hire other people for. I'm a business man, plain and simple. I run things. We've been making a fairly decent profit lately.

So what brings me back to the internet? A small redhead by the name of Jules. That's my new girlfriend. She's pretty rad. However, for someone that is rarely on like, she's easily the most internet-obsessed person I know. So I now have to become an internet junkie just to have any idea what she's talking about when she's sitting there with her Alienware laptop. On that note, I don't even get why she has an Alienware. I'm such a bigger video game nerd than she is. Whatever, that's not the point.

The point is... Spidgey is back. And I don't care that nobody cares.